A Glossy Pair.

Mid shower I search with soapy eyes for shampoo. For some reason the manufacturers choose to put ‘shampoo’ or ‘conditioner’ as an 8pt strap line to the main title of what magical property this bottle will impart to your hair. It will enhance the colour, make it glossy, straighten it, curl it, give it body, energise its roots, stop it from splitting etc. I imagine this filamentous biomaterial would require a degree in chemical engineering to be able to respond correctly to all the subtly different mixes of ingredients in these bottles. Anyway I invariably get conditioner when I want shampoo which means these niceties are lost on me, especially when Fairy Liquid does a perfectly adequate job. I suspect this cornucopia of products owes more to suggestion and the placebo effect than anything else, it just means every flat surface in your bathroom is full to overflowing with bottles. I figure these manufacturers though are missing a trick. I mean we all have different skin and body parts, so isn’t there a need for ‘Glossy Elbows’ and ‘Silky Inner thigh’ soap, ‘Black Bottom’ conditioner, ‘Pube’ shampoo? Not to mention a totally different fomulation for armpit hair, or, think about it, do  you really want dull, lifeless straight eyebrows? Not when this bottle will provide you with lustrous, curly, full bodied ones with a hint of pink. We’ll soon need a walk-in wardrobe for them all, racks and racks of the blody things. And they’ll still write it too small for soapy eyes so you end up with glossy testicles with blond highlights.