My Syrian Statement.

The situation in Syria is appalling. Not for the first time Asad has used chlorine gas against his own people. We reach that conclusion, firstly because he would profit from it, and secondly because he refuses outside investigation that could prove it. This is a war crime and Asad will at some future time be called accountable. No western action will be taken because we have no legal right to intervene militarily but condemn in the strongest possible terms Asad’s use of chlorine gas. We recognise Russia is assisting Asad and any intervention would risk the escalation of the conflict but are surprised in Russia’s apparent support and condoning of Asad’s war crime. If Russia continues to block outside investigation of Asad’s actions we can only assume Mr Putin might also be accused of aiding a war crime. We do not consider that an appropriate course of action for a member of the UN. To resolve this situation and avoid further disastrous escalation we would like to see Russia reconsider their unqualified support for Asad. Whilst we recognise Russia’s right to pursue a foreign policy we might not like when we see that policy as not living up to internationally agreed humanitarian standards we also have the right to condemn it, not only for the people of Syria but also by implication other states affected by it and ultimately the people of Russia herself. Those internationally agreed standards are not a matter of opinion they are the hard lessons learnt from our joint history of conflicts where certain actions lead to resolution, happiness and prosperity and others to hostility, warfare and destruction. Our current choice to not oppose Asad and Russia is not made from weakness, but to remember those lessons of history so horrifically played out in Syria thus far. 

Tories Fake Facebook.

Whilst Cambridge Analytica and AIQ continue to assert they've never heard of each other and have done no paid or unpaid work for the Brexit arm of the Conservative Party with regard to window cleaning, hoovering and drain clearance it is their wholly owned subsidiary, Tinglytot Baskets Ltd, that has come under suspicion. Originally set up in the fifties by Edward Heath’s black sheep brother Harry Tots, Tinglytot Baskets was the erstwhile bastion of innocent relief for MPs living away from their wife and family after hard days debating for their beloved country. Stiffmouse News can now reveal that Tinglytot’s has though moved into new areas. After their success with internet porn, jointly owned by Russian oligarch Vladimir Bollockoff, Tinglytot’s has made use of Cambridge Analytica’s pointless and of no commercial value whatsoever software to set up hundreds of fake Facebook accounts claiming to represent the Jew-hating anti-Semitic arm of the Labour Party. Throughout February we followed Svetlana Blum, Michael Gove’s au pair, and Boris Johnson’s niece, Ursula Mountbatten to their local internet café in Bloomsbury. Why we asked would two beautiful women frequently spend hours typing? Our surveillance expert took this screen shot (not shown here for copyright reasons) of Svetlana working on the ‘Labour Party against filthy Jewish Scum’ Facebook page. When challenged she said her eyesight was bad and she thought it was a gardening catalogue. When asked about Tinglytot Basket’s role in the Brexit referendum she denied any knowledge saying, “Vot ist Brecshit? I am merely a simple Ukrainian exile taking refuge in your vunderful country. Mister Gove is a warm and genuine human being, I think he works for the council.” Ursula, an ‘actress’ from Tinglytot’s earlier internet success, said she was Skyping her brother in Palestine. So there you have it. Are these two beautiful young women lying or is the Labour Party a hot bed of radical racism? You decide.