The Truth.

True Camoron now has a slim majority, but even amphetamines won’t keep the whips awake for five years, so why the capitulation? And why have Miliband, Clegg and Farage resigned without the usual ‘we’ll fight on in opposition’ speeches? I mean was Clegg shown in an empty car park and presented with a worm-ridden hedgehog stage-managed? Did Miliband fall off the plinth on purpose and get his aids to punch him in the face to maintain the slant, Farage’s men promise to shoot their opposing candidate and all their other gaffs for a reason? Is there something they’re not telling us? I mean what if they know there’s an ISIS bomb in the Mace and it’s begun ticking, or the SNP has two thousand angry Glaswegian shipbuilders set to invade Westminster, or are banking on five more years of austerity putting an end to the Conservatives forever. Has Camoron threatened them with his own resignation in favour of Boris, or worse Gove if he didn’t get a majority? Could you spend five years sitting opposite either without secretly taking a shotgun into work and getting life? An attractive thought but risky. Has Murdoch offered them a job presenting Sky’s new reality show, ‘I’m a LibDem get me out of here’? It makes you think doesn’t it? I mean ITV’s already got Paxman doing stand-up. Has Putin booby trapped No 10 or put polonium in the sandwiches? Or has he sold Camoron the secrets of how to create a one party system?

The Result.

Well we treated it as a joke and we got a joke. There’s never been such a mass un-think since the late 30’s in Germany. Then again we’ve been given nothing to think about apart from trivia and a smoke screen of numbers and ridicule. If anything the cheap joke crowd have won it for the Bullingdon Club simply because their genetic, unshakable confidence is impervious to slapstick. It’s as if Murdoch’s now employing comedians instead of journalists because he’s found cheap jokes are more powerful than investigative reporting. You only have to count the numbers of laughs we got from the party leaders to predict the outcome, Sturgeon nill, Cameron negligible, Miliband lots, Clegg even more, and for all his comedic value even Farage wasn’t slandered much by comedy. In the light of the SNP landslide is UK politics becoming zonal? I mean if I was Welsh I’d definitely be aiming for a Plaid Cymru landslide, or if Cornish voting for ‘The Sticky out Bit Party’, and might there then be an opening for ‘The North’ party? Appealing isn’t it. I mean it would leave London with less than a hundred seats that even in coalition with the home countries couldn’t form a majority. And lets face it the left/right political paradigm is well past its sell by date. Perhaps then this parochial politics will give rise to a new sort of candidate who’s allegiance is local rather than Westminster-centric, who’re chosen for their individual quality rather than being able to ya-boo on one way or the other. I’m reminded of a Chinese official who commented that ‘in China we choose on ability. Your British politicians would not stand a chance in China’, and from my days in industry where the marketing department didn’t have a clue; they just knew how to make bad things look good. And that’s what we’ve got, bad politicians that look good. Well today anyway.