The Truth.

True Camoron now has a slim majority, but even amphetamines won’t keep the whips awake for five years, so why the capitulation? And why have Miliband, Clegg and Farage resigned without the usual ‘we’ll fight on in opposition’ speeches? I mean was Clegg shown in an empty car park and presented with a worm-ridden hedgehog stage-managed? Did Miliband fall off the plinth on purpose and get his aids to punch him in the face to maintain the slant, Farage’s men promise to shoot their opposing candidate and all their other gaffs for a reason? Is there something they’re not telling us? I mean what if they know there’s an ISIS bomb in the Mace and it’s begun ticking, or the SNP has two thousand angry Glaswegian shipbuilders set to invade Westminster, or are banking on five more years of austerity putting an end to the Conservatives forever. Has Camoron threatened them with his own resignation in favour of Boris, or worse Gove if he didn’t get a majority? Could you spend five years sitting opposite either without secretly taking a shotgun into work and getting life? An attractive thought but risky. Has Murdoch offered them a job presenting Sky’s new reality show, ‘I’m a LibDem get me out of here’? It makes you think doesn’t it? I mean ITV’s already got Paxman doing stand-up. Has Putin booby trapped No 10 or put polonium in the sandwiches? Or has he sold Camoron the secrets of how to create a one party system?