Teachers Attractive Bottoms.

Teachers have two failings, enthusiasm and optimism. Other than that they’re lovely people. This unfortunate condition attracts a Pied Piper-esque following of people trying to shaft them. If it’s not the Department for Education, pupils and their adoring or neglectful parents it’s members of their own profession. My sonmouse, graciously saved by his ironic humour, lasted two years and recounted this example. His deputy head, obviously with an already firm grip on the greasy pole, asked a group of pupils for their helpful suggestions on how the school might enhance their educational experience. They duly offered, “lessons should be fun not boring, to be treated as adults, more group work, and more learning of all this fascinating material than stupid tests.”  Duly noted this Dephead offered his findings to the whole school in the following day’s assembly. This thoughtful initiative was roughly the equivalent of getting teachers to bend over so he could spread jam over their bottoms. It’s like the management of Costa Coffee coming back with the results of a customer survey. “So you want us to serve topless, spill milk on our breasts, lick it off, give them free use of the privilege stamp and trust them to come back and pay the following day after they’ve done a runner?!!” It seems climbing the greasy pole takes one out of focusing distance of reading between the lines. Then there’s in-post training to continually refresh and invigorate a teachers skills and commitment. Where sonmouse came out expecting a conversation of hearty derision after an hour of banal stupidity, which in itself would have been a much needed moral booster, he was met with, “Mmm, interesting. Informative yet provocative.” What! Page seven of my IT handout covered ‘how to hold your mouse.’ With helpful diagram!” No doubt if I assiduously read further chapter two will go on to cover the tricky situation of wanting to go further left after reaching the edge of your mouse mat. ‘Carefully lift your mouse, gently slide the mat to the left and then lower your mouse again.’ Somewhere this very moment there’s a teacher practicing this delicate maneuver. Sonmouse went on to explain what he did during his ten-week course in Craft, Design & Technology. “Sanding.” Sanding? “Yes, it allows you to drift around and chat to all your friends.” So there you have it, the current state of education, ten weeks spent making a bit of wood slightly smaller.