Weekend with Mothermouse.

Mothermouse Donkey Poo Wed. Aniv. Pres. A weekend adventure to Old Trafford to see Man U play Tottenham. I love football on TV but to get into Old Trafford after my abysmal two games in sixty years was like being smuggled into Bohemian Grove. Google it, you’ll see what I mean. 75,000 wealthy aficionados congregate to feel emotion. On TV football is a fast moving game full of incident closely examined, slowed down and replayed from multiple angles from which one can form a considered judgment. From Block NW3435, row 27, seat 109 it’s 22 men running about on a field. Make that 19 as the two goalies and Berbatov rarely broke into a trot. In fact Berba’s whole technique revolves around being so slow and incapable that on the one or two occasions he does make an effort the other team are completely flummoxed. Maiming tackles that make me wince on TV, when viewed from seat 109, look like men simply falling over. And if you happen to be dipping into your crisps packet at the wrong moment you miss the goal that wins the match. When Tottenham scored their only goal, their supporters being half a mile away in the opposite corner, there was so little noise compared with the drink spilling crisps dropping jubilation of Man U’s three, I was left genuinely wondering why they were all trotting back to the centre circle. But being there with Mothermouse was an amazing experience; the atmosphere, the wonderful stadium, the stunning view and the emotion of the crowd. The man next to me had brought his seven-year-old daughter. It was lovely to see until he opened his mouth and I realised the poor girl will be left with permanent ear damage. In fact the emotion of the crowd made me realise why the game refuses to use video evidence when resolving fouls and penalty disputes. The game is all about emotion and there’s nothing that rouses emotions more than unfair decisions. A good half of the heated post match debates would be lost if the ref wasn’t visually impaired and the linesmen could see no lack of straightness in a donkeys hind leg. But Man U won by two penalties, which were obviously correct. A pint in the Kit Room bar, several overlooking the Manchester Ship Canal, a carvery and off to bed to watch the slow motion replays, which we missed because MOTD started early.