Political Silage.

Ruminants need silage every day. It comes in compressed bails, which come off in slices. The tendency is to put the slices in the feed racks still compressed on the assumption you’ll need to refill less often. The compressed silage though gets stale and goes mouldy because air can’t get to it, but it stays in the rack because the animals don’t like eating mouldy silage. So it looks like they’ve got loads to eat when they’re actually starving. But you’ve done your job because the racks are full. So tonight we’re going to get our first political debate live on television. The leaders of the three main parties are going to give us, yes you’ve guessed it, silage. Mouldy slices of compressed rhetoric will fill our rack and we won’t want to eat it because it’s of no nutritious value. But they’ve done their job of lazy husbandry. They will successfully stick to platitudinous verbiage or fall into some cognitive slippage, either way it will be a farce of Moliere like proportions. The thing about farce is its seriousity. People in a farce don’t play for laughs; they just get them. But apparently in the Nixon/ Kennedy debate Nixon won on the radio and Kennedy won on TV. Why? Because Nixon had pale makeup and Kennedy looked more healthy, which obviously doesn’t come across on radio. So we can’t really blame them for paying attention to inconsequential detail. Note to Gordon: ‘visit your local tanning salon; David’s been there every day this week, but don’t go the full Tony colour, he just looks like he’s been bathing in tinned tomatoes.’ Suit, smart but not shiny. Double breasted, hanky in top pocket and buttons with anchors on, dated. Tie not red or blue, too obvious. No tie shows vigour but loose tie indicates you’ve been drinking. Cravat, lush, don’t go there. Smile, practice practice practice. There’s nothing so sincere as a well practiced smile. Teeth, don’t eat anything with spinach in it for three days beforehand. Shoes, optional, no one will see them. And obviously don’t say anything of consequence; it’s not important. So like sheep we gaze at what we’re given, unable to say we’re starving. Did you know ruminants have no top front teeth? True; that’s why they could never be in politics.