CRB OK 4 CAPITA.

Well I’ve just had my CRB checked which, so long as my sexual relationships with piglets has remained un-reported to the authorities, should come back clean as a whistle. I noticed while dressing for the occasion my current T-shirt has emblazoned across the front “sinner, evildoer, malefactor, miscreant.” I don’t think the shapely young lady in snug black slacks, white T-shirt and black low cut 32B bra, which I imaginatively fondled while following her down the corridor, noticed. So I’m free to carry on thinking rude thoughts for another three years so long as I don’t do anything. That’s the strange thing about thoughts; they appear to not exist at all until you do something. You could dream of annexing Poland and Czechoslovakia and die a bitter and twisted old man but so long as you don’t co-opt the whole German nation into your plan for world domination you can die a free man, if somewhat disappointed. So here I am in the bowels of the HM Civil Service; well actually it’s been outsourced to a firm called CAPITA, the UK’s leading BPO company. Don’t ask. This is the new efficiency. Whilst the workers are the same as ever they now have two complete teams of executives above them overseeing their efficiency, ergo they are twice as efficient. It’s amazing something so simple hasn’t been done before. I leave and bump into a young lesbian footballer friend working in B&Q. She is bright, outgoing, enthusiastic and very capable, her talents thoroughly wasted in the gardening section. This sinner, evildoer, malefactor, miscreant is sad about that.