Unconscious Incongruence.

I’ve done some Person Centred counsellor training right. Come in, sit down, silence. Basically they find the silence unbearable and start something off. It’s also a good time to relax yourself and let your mind drift off to old holidays when the family was still together. After a bit of empathic understanding I’m usually way ahead of them but on the basis it’s better if they figure it out for themselves I keep my mouth shut. That’s very important. After they’ve done enough interminable waffling, which is all rather boring, and this is where congruence comes in, I tell them what’s wrong. This is where the training is so important. One has to learn the true meaning of congruence, to know what one thinks clearly and concisely, and to be able to say it in a way that gently eases them to your way of thinking. It’s no use saying, “Don’t be stupid, it’s never going to happen”, or “My God woman what were you thinking!?” It puts their backs up and can lose one valuable income. It’s far better to make them think it’s their idea. Things like, “Might it be that….”. It’s quite easy when you get the hang of it. You see you have to treat them with what’s called unconditional positive regard. It’s just a long way of saying you have to make them think you’re their friend. It helps them accept your ideas more easily. I mean no one’s going to agree with some obnoxious, opinionated bastard are they. Rogers who invented PC was a wonderful man and came up with five counselling conditions.
1/ be aware that your client has turned up and is there. One doesn’t like to be mercenary but if they haven’t there may still be time to ring another client.
2/ the client must realise their life has been, if not a total waste of time, at least sad and misguided.
3/ the client must realise the therapist is a beautiful human being.
4/ the therapist must appear to be friendly. I know it’s hard when your husband’s just left you, the kids are self-harming and you’re depressed but the show must go on.
5/ the therapist must understand the client in order to provide them with solutions.
6/ the client must be made to think the therapist both likes and understands them.
Just follow these golden rules and you won’t go far wrong.