Prematurity.“

It cometh to passeth that I was a bit prematureth. God’s been in touch again. Apparently they were my thoughts. He says he is far too abstruse for the likes of me and anyway he doesn’t do words, so the book won’t be coming out. He says writing the ‘Word of God’ is a beginners mistake. It’s easily done but it’s like Pinky and Perky covering a Beyonce’ song. Won’t work; never has, never will. I’m like, “Well make it complicated why don’t you.” So I can’t use words, what then, am I supposed to draw pictures? Apparently pictures and stories are a bit better but even that’s not enough for His Godliness, oh no, he wants me to be as God is. I mean what does that mean, be as God is? And apparently God isn’t even a person, not even human. He’s definitely not Hugh Grant just to squash that particular rumour. He’s like this floaty floaty thing like air and everything, like derdy derdy der, oh there you are. And then you know something and then you don’t, or you know it isn’t proper knowing but you’re not sure, but sometimes you are. I mean that’s no way to run a cosmos, there should be proper chains of command, line managers and stuff. He laughed. So come on then, how are you organising all this?
“Consider the lilies of the field.” Oh don’t give me that old trollop, I’m a twenty-first century rodent. I’ve got cheese to fry, mouths to feed. He does like a bit of tuff talking I’ve found.
“Just because humans will be gone soon doesn’t mean you’ll get a step up boy-oe. We may skip a size and go straight to cockroaches.” I must say that came as a terrible shock. But Cockroaches are ugly ignorant bastards, they’re not a patch on mice!
“Word of God matey. I win.” Not that again. I suppose the lilies will be OK too eh. Teachers pets. ‘Teacher says you should copy us ‘cos we’re good and you’re not. Naaar.’
"Look at humans,” Do I have to, “they’ve read the runes and learnt how to play the sorcerer’s apprentice and now that millions of brooms are ruining the planet they’re like, ‘Oh what we going to do, what we going to do?’ Do you know what I do in situations like this?” What? “Downsize stupid.”