Sailing by.

I fear I’m entertained out. Like the Queen would feel at the end of a Royal Variety Performance that lasted fifty years. Radio 4 has the news which is depressing, Radio 1 has Radio 1 DJs who are depressing, Classic FM, who assume its audience is made up of people who regularly say “I don’t believe it!” and so run adds for incontinence pads, is also depressing. On TV soaps, sitcoms and drama are depressing, especially Holyoaks! ‘Phone in to make me rich’ programs with audiences overdosed on e make me sick. Hiphop makes me want to shoot myself and MOR overproduced pop is, yes it’s depressing. Anything with David Tennant in is OK though. It’s not that they’re bad, apart from Holyoaks and hiphop, it’s just that I’ve listened to and watched so much TV and radio over the years I’m beginning to hate it. Thousands and thousands of hours just gawping, it’s not good for my posture. I mean even goldfish swim around in their bowl, “Oh there’s the settee, the fireplace, the window. Oh there’s the settee, the fireplace, the window. Oh there’s the settee, the fireplace, the window.” That’s what it feels like, “Oh there’s the X Factor, Big Brother, News at 10. Oh there’s the X Factor, Big Brother, News at 10.” I am not a goldfish! And now there’s iPods with a thousand apps. You want a wank? There’s an app for that. You want the Conservative front bench put down? You’ve guessed it. I don’t want apps! I don’t want musak 24/7 that I hear but don’t listen to. Lift voices are OK though; they’re quite pleasant to talk to. So this Christmas raise a glass to the end of entertainment. In the commercial breaks of course. ('Sailing by', by the way, is the last piece of music on Radio 4 to signal the end of the day)