Toasters.

George Gideon Oliver Osborne hasn’t a clue. Let me explain in terms of toasters. The UK has say a billion toaster right, enough for all, but a small percentage of the population figure out a way of getting more and more. They stashed them in every available cupboard and cellar, in the attic and loads in the garage and next-doors as well because he’s got a driving ban and his wife went off with her therapist. Anyway over time these few cornered the market in toasters so much so that more and more people had to go without toast and toasted teacakes, which is my favourite. And scones as it happens. So to bridge the toaster deficit George Gideon Oliver Osborne took toasters from the poor arguing they can’t afford bread anyway. He took a few from the stashers but not too many because he didn’t want them leaving the country and take their toasters with them, then we’d really be in trouble. Well the stasher kept stashing and the toaster gap got ever wider. Then one day he hit on an idea. All he had to do was borrow the toasters from the few stashers. He wouldn’t take them like a toaster tax but let them keep ownership whilst distributing their excess toasters to the rest of us so we could all have toast again. They could hold say a thousand, which is enough for any man, and the rest would go into the government toaster bank. They wouldn’t be very happy but they still owned all their toasters, and it’s unlikely they’d leave the country without them. This allowed George Gideon Oliver Osborne to stop borrowing toasters on the open market and still have enough to cover the UK’s needs. And the stashers would only get paid for lending their toasters on the basis of how well the country as a whole was doing which focused their minds on all of us not just their own toaster fetish.