Bugger!

As my recent sojourn into hyper domesticity nears its end and Mothermouse is able to donk around the house like Marley’s ghost rather than the heavy thud of an approaching Tyrannosaurus Rex I can look back at multitasking with a balanced view. Men do multitask but under a different heading. We perceive it as multiple overlapping time sub-streams that, by running concurrently with precisely calculated start points, reduce the overall time required for a required set of tasks. For instance when cooking a meal I will note down at the bottom of a sheet of paper the required eating start point above which I write the times required in minutes for each constituent part, peas, chips, sausages etc. then in an adjacent column I calculate their start points relative to the eating start point. I thus place the sausages in the oven at 6.45pm and set a timer for four minutes and then begin the potatoes. I set the timer again for seven minutes to notify me when the peas need to go on and then five minutes, which through the wonder of mathematics equates to the required eating start time. Thusly in the intervening periods I am free to do other things, clean the cat flap, wash up and collect mealtime accoutrements. This isn’t multitasking because I’m only ever doing one thing at a time. Women on the other hand do multitask by considering everything that needs to be done all the time in a frenzy of conflicting necessities. Whilst cooking a similar meal Mothermouse will be considering if the bins need to go out, the cats need water, the two-pound man is getting better, Margaretmouse’s broken metatarsal was indeed less severe than hers and whether to get me a cow onesie for Christmas. (I can’t wait) In a mans world this isn’t true multiple overlapping time sub-streams, it’s frying one’s brain with nonsense that will be done when the time comes and better left to a written list and forgotten about. Yesterday for instance whilst considering nothing more than the job in hand I mended an old watch and set it to the correct time, day of the week, month and phase of the moon, stuck a base on a cup, maintained our electric tin opener and took some rubbish to the tip, which due to government cut is now closed Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Bugger!