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Forget the US election, this is momentous. A couple of years ago our smart ginger cat, Britney, worked out how to feed herself from the ‘Cup of Plenty’, the mug we use to dole out dry cat food and which often has a bit left in it. One terrible day I watched Dave, our black cat with one eye, the only thing that differentiates him from Cocky Black Cat who doesn’t live here but plagued us all until we fitted an electronic cat flap, eat that asshole! Where was I, that sentence has gone on too long. Oh yes Dave watched in awe as Britney dispense herself morsel after morsel from the Cup of Plenty by paw dipping. After she left he crept towards it, sat by it and waited. And waited, and nothing! Not a single morsel leapt out for him to eat. I’ve never seen a cat so dejected. Dave’s heaven is a constant, moment by moment supply of food and being already 6-7 kilos he’s not going to get that any time soon. Seeing this heaven tantalisingly dangled in front of him and then cruelly wrenched away must have been terrible. Months later Betty also learned the magic of the Cup of Plenty while Dave could only barge into our ankles as we walked about the kitchen. But he must have been watching, taking mental notes of cause and effect, studying techniques. And today I can announce that Dave now has a GCSE in paw dipping. Parents amongst you will recognise the swelling breast of pride one feels at moments like this. Our Dave, who’d a thought it, paw dipping. I briefly considered banishing the cup but even Dave’s not going to get fat one morsel at a time. But if he learns Betty’s later technique of knocking the whole blood lot off the worktop onto the floor, well that’s another matter.