Plrucgh.

So the NHS is calling for the next Conservative government to lift the smoking ban. This surprise announcement … Hold on a minute. I just mispelt announcement with an s instead of a c. Why do we need c’s? Take ‘resource’ and  ‘response’. They’re all susses but one’s a ‘c’. Why? And then there’s ‘clay’ and ‘kettle’. I’m thinking c’s have just snuck in to confuse everybody. Make all susses s and all ka’s k and ban c, it’s redundant, it’s a dead parrot! That would halve the number of my spelling mistakes at a stroke. Anyway, yes the NHS has projected their future spending and the country can’t afford for people not to die from smoking related diseases. Apparently non-smokers, as well as contributing nothing by way of tobacco duty also limp on to an extended high cost infirmed old age. I have a friend who’s been waiting for their remaining parent to die for years. What use is a hundred grand to someone who can’t tell a parrot from a plant pot? We would have had Prince Charles years ago if the Queen, whilst waving to the crowd from her Coronation Coach, had been puffing on a Navy Cut with the other hand. We smokers, apart from the fact we won’t last long enough to get dementia, wouldn’t get it anyway because we’re chilled and everyone know the brain only goes soggy when it’s constantly hot with stress. Other NHS initiatives include the removal of seat belt in cars and state sponsorship of motorcycles as organ imports have become more expensive. “We must focus on the healthy,” said a spokesman earlier today, “euthanasia is not an option we’d like to take. We’d rather people just die younger before they become a drain on resources.” Well all I can say is I’m doing my bit, plrucgh. We apologise for any factual inaccuracies in this item.