Nice.

Many years ago I used to go to New York Toy Fair. I think it was 7th Av. opposite the Flat Iron Building. It was a strange Dorothy-esque environment where people welcomed you into ‘The World of Cabbage Patch’ and Mutant Ninja Turtle World. I was particularly impressed with a woman who demonstrated My Little Pony’s new ‘it goes to sleep’ feature by laying it on its side. Only in America could the essence of thoughtless smiling bla bla, of “Have a nice day”, be the basis for commerce. After being immersed in several different ‘Worlds of’, us English needed numerous severe mallet wounds to regain a connection with our real one. Americans though knew it intimately; they could travel between worlds like light speed Klingons knowing each and every one was a fiction, including the one we share here on Earth. Perhaps I should invent a toy called ‘Earth’ so I could invite them into ‘World of Earth.’ It would consist of sloppy mud, broken glass and used condoms. Their love for Europe and its ‘history’ is not for all our lovely old things but for our being connected with a reality they still hanker after as they say ‘Have a nice day.’ It’s like looking at the world through the eye of a TV. In fact most Americans know the rest of the world by the places they’ve sent troops. Their holiday footage is from nose cone missile cameras of exploding bunkers. I’m thinking the safest places to live are those in low res on Google Earth. Madagascar is a cartoon character and Ethiopia is a place where strangely thin super model types go to die of anorexia. The ‘Middle East’ is apparently Europe on account it’s in the middle between Africa, big enough to be noticeable, and England, where they speak quaint American. Anyway Bethmouse loves ‘The Gilmore Girls’. It’s a new Americano er, ‘sit.’ (without the com) Nicetown USA where everyone says nice things and squabbles nicely and disagrees nicely and are nicely upset from time to time. It’s ‘Have a nice Day’ life, an easily digestible, void of nutrition McDonalds hamburger for the brain. But how do you say nice is not nice? It’s like saying “This isn’t The World of Cabbage Patch you fool, it’s a stand in a New York office block made of decorated cardboard and filled with stuffed shapeless lumps!” A fixed smile says “Look, it’s saying hello.” Waves lifeless pink stocking filled arm. “It’s not! It’s…” A salesman takes me to one side, “Guaranteed two million TV advertising in the fall; $14 wholesale, 75% mark up. ToysRus have just ordered 700,000. Order early, production can hardly keep up already. Purpose isle caps come free with orders over 200. They’ll walk out your store.” Mmm I think, $2,200. Nice.