Disregarding the fact that 20% of the time (yes 20%) it’s telling you your life is unsatisfactory unless you buy something, and programs about the Second World War for reasons that will become obvious, nothing you see on TV will EVER happen to you. Unless you’re old enough to remember the Second World War, in which case you won’t want it to happen to you again. Are you really likely to move to a place where every mid summer people start murdering each other? Or the East End where, in amongst the general day-to-day backstabbing and misery, people murder each other? Or places where they have Crime Scene Investigators, or France, or be plane crashed on a desert island and all the other places where people murder each other? No.
Is it likely someone will come up to you in the street and ask, “In Oliver Wendell Holmes seventeenth century poem, ‘The Deacon's Masterpiece’, what was the object he was constructing? Christ’s, Smith.’ No. (a ‘One-hoss Shay’ just in case this unlikely event happens, and your name is Smith)
Are you ever likely to have five totally decent friends, who incidentally never murder each other? No. None of this will ever happen to you. Even if you sign up for X Factor or Big Brother you will most likely end up doing obscene things with a bottle in your own back garden or pegging out in the queue before you ever get to see Simon. No, your only chance is as a drunken blurred out face in a carefully edited police video, living proof that you, me and 60 million others can’t have a good time without jeopardising the fabric of society. Or you’re murdered by some fiendishly clever vicar getting even for some long forgotten ecclesiastical parking violation. In reality none of this will ever happen to you so why watch it? You may though find yourself strangely attracted to shopping at Asda, buying Weetabix and a Peugeot 305. That will happen to you.
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