BH I’d betr DS.

It seems Merrell Streeep has set the tone for 2012: Belligerence. Yep bile.co.uk will be my new home. So OK when do teenagers’ sensory organs kick in? I mean when does their sensory outputs begin to affect the teenager as a whole, as in bodily action. They’ve like got a set top box but the cable’s missing to the TV. They can turn a bedroom into a bombsite and moan they can’t find anything. They lob their mobile phone around like a bar of soap, which I grant you is a similar shape, but considerably less expensive. Not a day goes by without the familiar clatter of an iPhone hitting the deck. Does Sony-Eriksson realise they need to drop test their products by slinging them from the top deck of a bus onto the concrete in front of another one?  Sensory awareness of household necessities like washing up, vacuuming, cooking, clearing and cleaning just dribble out of their open unconnected socket, elbowed into obscurity by a five year old Sheffield Wednesday goal or the latest Hollyoaks sit-trage. In fact life can be plotted as a series of, “Bloody hell I’d better do something” moments where the oil tanker of unconcern hits the rocks of impending oily sea birds disaster. It begins when shitting your nappy turns from a pleasure to un-pleasure and becomes. “Woow quick, where’s mi potty!” The next, assuming the parent provides every necessity FOC, is GCSE’s. Whilst it’s quaintly touching that teenagers have such faith in educational osmosis there comes a time, usually days before the exam, where mere presence proves insufficient and they realise effort is involved. The next of course is their degree. Here their own personal state sponsored mortgage provides for their advancing needs of beer, drugs and clubs etc until such point that another ‘BH I’d betr DS’ moment kicks in. Somewhere along the line there’s one or more sexual encounters that also provide a similar moment. Next the long process of romantic solidification throws up moving in, engagement, marriage and kids, and it’s back to, “Woow quick, where’s the potty!” And then of course there’s death where it changes slightly to, “Bloody hell I could have done something.”