Stiffmouse University.

Lets say I start a university. Small scale to start with, just one subject. Two lecturers on £40k and a room big enough for twenty students. On a 40 hour week, for easy maths, and contact time of 10 hours there can be 80 students. (4x20) My two lecturers would have 20 hours contact time and 20 hours prep, marking etc. With a room cost of say £10,000pa and a total yearly outlay of £100k fees would be £1,250 plus my cut, so lets say £1,750pa. I could undercut Cambridge by 80% and still walk away with £40k pa and endless holidays for just thinking up this wizzo idea. I’m going to sell it to Carphone Warehouse as every prospective undergraduate will have been a frequent visitor since the age of ten. ‘You’ve got the phone, now get the degree.’ No, no, no, no, no. What am I thinking! Students could text in their work to a call centre in Mumbai. Further calculator work. £5k for staff and a hundred rupees for the sweatshop and fees could be £62.50, plus my cut of say £1,687.50 and you guessed it, £1,750. If they’re a bit strapped for cash I could do loans at 200%APR and still be the cheapest uni in Britain. Ah but they’re going to need beer. OK, five containers of Kingfisher lager and advertise, “Free beer for the duration of your course!” Irresistible! 100% mark up and lump it in with the fees so they don’t realise they’re paying for it. Isn’t capitalism wonderful!