Mills and Boon and Me.

Now I’m not a part of Mills and Boon’s core audience but a beautiful program last night got me wondering if I should read one or two as sort of textbooks. Those of us not homosexually inclined will sooner or later find ourselves with a woman and as a result become to some degree singularsexual. It’s not that men can’t multitask, I often pick my nose while watching television, it’s that men are one track minded; we can only pursue one objective at a time. After pursuing our woman we go on to other things, earning a living, home improvements, rock climbing and the like, enjoying as it were the camaraderie of the trenches with other men. As such ‘our woman’ can be left in a cupboard like a fondly remembered cricket bat. Now there are spectacular differences between a woman and a cricket bat. Whilst they both like being periodically oiled a woman is not an inanimate object. Yet as our singularsexuality takes hold, singularsexuality being the total immersion in one sided sexuality, men can easily perceive them as simply requiring maintenance. Provided one can get her through her yearly MOT with a birthday card that will satisfy one’s duty as a registered keeper. But Mills and Boon apparently lays bare this fallacy. Women are in fact living, thinking creatures with a disturbingly different approach to the world. They can hold a hundred different objectives all at the same time. In fact men with their singular objective are, in evolutionary terms, far closer to cricket bats. Women continue to hold the pursuance of that initial romantic adventure long after it has been superseded by a promotion or a supporter’s season ticket for their man. They want continual romancing. This is damn near impossible for a singularsexual male to conceive of. He’s got the T shirt and he’s now too fat to wear it and so using it to clean his mid-life-crisis motorbike. It’s not sufficient to be heterosexual; one must also be multi-sexual. One must embrace Mills and Boon as a sort of Wikipedia of the phantasmagorical inner workings of the female mind. With a little effort one can also learn to keep one’s balls in the air and learn to pursue more than one thing at a time.