Nature, Nurture, Torture.

Having had parents, been one and now in semi retirement, parenting being a kind of Hotel California situation where success and leaving don’t appear on the menu, here are some pointers for new recruits. 

Kids: Make allowances, they only think they’re Gods gift to maturity. They are, as they wipe your bottom and send you off to school, in fact struggling just as much as you are. Dinner party failures, unexpected bills and even talking to each other will get them down, but the code of parenting decrees one must never show weakness in front of the children. They are nicer to other people, not because they don’t love you, but because they do. They’re simply more afraid of them than they are of you. Generally don’t listen to them when they go all wise on you, best to smile benevolently and carry on. The only exception is they tend to know about personal safety. Then again instant death is not caused by running about in the playground, pushing small objects up your nose or even throwing a javelin at your mate, though our PE teacher didn’t see it that way.

Parents: They WILL do what you do. They won’t do what you say because they’re not listening. They’re like the most aggravating mirror of all the faults you don’t even realise you’ve got. When you shout, which of course you’re not doing because you don’t shout, they will shout back. When you fake anything, like the smile of the parent you would like to be, they will simply recognise it as your inability to cope and exploit it against you. Just as you hope they don’t know the inner workings of your pathetic excuse for a life you don’t know the inner workings of theirs. If you love them never believe you do. There is far greater power in curiosity than assumption, so ask. Offering your skills and experiences is fine but giving them your insights into wisdom only makes them precocious and instils all the hang-ups you wish you didn’t have yourself. Their lessons will be all the harder for believing they understand what they haven’t experienced. There’s only one positive to draw from all this. No one is a perfect parent. The best you can hope for is to make enough mistakes for them to all cancel each other out.