Ausi Sun journo temps.

Poms deceived! Photos sexed up! Mouse not stiff and never did shake hands with Hitler. The Sun can now reveal the truth about Stiffmouse. It was all a hoax. Stiffmouse would have been 6 months old in 1944 when he allegedly had a homosexual romp with the leader of the Third Reich. Not so says Bishop Nisbet of Wolverhampton, “Apart from the obvious cultural difference Stiffmouse was still being breast fed in Manchester at the time and Hitler was in.. (deleted word; too long).” John Punis, our man in Scunthorpe also observed, “I think this rules him out as being the possible true identity of Jack the Ripper.” Surely though this shadowy character must have a murky past. Why when we know so much about the Rolling Stones and the Beatles do we know nothing of their contemporary? Someone who’s been off the radar for over 60 years must have something to hide. “Under the radar.” “What?” “We say under the radar. You don’t say ‘Down off’ in Australia do you, you say Down Under.” “Oh go screw yourself you pomy bastard. No in Australia we say Fuck off. Who’s writing this!” “What about mentioning Diana.” “Good one.” So where was Stiffmouse the night Diana died? The short answer is no one knows. 9/11, Lockerbie, is he in Afganistan, was his mother a Nazi or Church of England??? No one knows.