How to Write Spiritual Fiction.

This non-residential weekend course, 10 till 4pm, £295 + VAT, will cover all you need to know to write your first novel, mostly because you’re not dealing with fact but something far deeper. This allows for great creative scope. The narrator, usually a woman, in her quest for personal growth happens on a like-minded group with a mysterious leader, usually a man. This gender stereotyping though typical is odd because most men aren’t usually drawn to spiritual growth yet always appear as teachers having presumably achieved it, whilst most women searching for it apparently haven’t. Obviously the leader must have deep ancient knowledge of some kind that requires him to speak either obtusely or in simplistic truths, and have dark penetrating eyes capable of looking into one’s soul. This soul vision allows him to delve with complete certainty the recesses of the narrator’s vast unconscious describing memories she can’t remember, deeds she is unaware of doing and thoughts she is oblivious of having. These supernatural powers captivate her as she is drawn back time and time again from her ordinary mundane life. Do remember to put in mundane facts about the narrator; they act as a counterpoint to the supernatural but stay clear of the same about the leader. The reader will not want to know about his leaking toilet, mortgage arrears and illegitimate children. Also remember the narrator must be dumb as shit to begin with with no ideas of her own so as to allow room for the growth. She must be bewildered by the obtuseness and marvel at the simplistic truths as wonderfully succinct and, well true. This raises the question of sex. Most deeply mysterious authoritative men with penetrating eyes have a large libido and it’s up to you how explicit you go with this. It’s probably unwise to go into Fifty Shades territory as it won’t help on the personal growth front to depict the leader as a womanising letch. It’s best left between the lines. Oh look at me giving away all the course material. Still it’s not too late to get the £2 early booking discount. Knowledge like this is priceless. You owe it to yourself. See you there.