All Hail Matt the Decorator.

 In the spirit of Radio 4’s Christmas Eve service that I’ve just left I wish to relate unto you that, behold I have spoken too harshly of X Factor in the past and wish to recant my heresy here two fourths. (a half or 0.5 in metric) Christianity, it has to be said, has been orchestrating the run up to 25/12 for the past two thousand years and always managed to get its hits sung on the media, dictated the whole image thing and got us to buy lots of stuff. Cheryl and Simon have only been doing it for ten. But truly I say unto you the reason for my recantation is that Christianity and the X Factor have one good thing in common. They both manage to rocket some unknown, unsuspecting member of the general public, us, into stratospheric stardom in a matter of weeks before their brain can adjust. Unlike most public figures who have sold their life and genitals to get there these individuals still have the mindset of the common man. Or woman. It’s like taking Winston Churchill out of prep school straight into the forefront of the war effort. Hitler, straight from art school would invite him to Berctesgarten to play conkers and Winnie’s vinegar soaked sixer would trounce Big H’s fresh from the tree oner. Zey wut larf at the impossible stupidity of killing millions and destroying vast amounts of civilisation. No, X Factor is only resurrecting the old Jewish tradition of throwing up a King of Kings to take over the Christmas Number 1 spot. All Hail Matt the Decorator. If only the Prime Minister could be voted in in such a fashion. We wouldn’t get David Cameron that’s for sure.