Barbara and Barbara.

Thursday night at our local, the Ale House. Tony is trying out a new open mike night. Mothermouse and I arrive early only to find the place already full of people clutching guitars. 8.45. Two pints. We sit with a couple we know whose simple delight in what life offers might make Jesus wonder if it was really neccessary to be so serious. The MC would have probably been a Rock God if his parents had had the presence of mind to call him Bono or Slash rather than Ainsley but he puts on a good show. He performs with various line-ups and introduces people he knows. 9.30. Two pints. We realise Ainsly has a secret weapon when it comes to open mike nights, he’s a guitar teacher so has a wealth of protégés eager to air their learning. We quickly count the guitar necks sprouting from the crowd and figure we might not get a go. Barbara impinges herself on Ainsley’s consciousness again to up our chances. After an hour or so he runs out of protégés and a group of lads he doesn’t know turn out to be very good. 10.30. Two pints. He does another few songs and it’s ten to eleven. Will he or won’t he? He finally squeezes us in, “and now it’s Barbara”. He askes my name and I say Barbara and so introduces us as “Barbara and Barbara” and the audience tries to figure out which one of us is the transvestite. Barbara does a full on Marilyn Munroe ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s best Friend’ and ‘Florescent Adolescent’ accompanied by Barbara on guitar and they love her, and then the guitar playing Barbara sings ‘Desperado’ (Eagles) and they love that too. And then Tony offers to hire us for a Saturday night! RESULT.