Spirit Camp 4 2012

And personally I had less desire to be keen, strong, resolute, skilful and capable. I put a good shift in but no panting at the bit to do more. The food, though wholesome and generous, I didn’t digest well. I muse that we don’t take into consideration the emotional element of digestion and focus on calories and nutrition. What my body does with food irrespective of those numerical counts is possibly a more subtle business, that fat or thin is a systemic choice of what needs to be held, that thin people hold a need to run and fat people have a need to hold against the needs of some emotional famine. All I know is I had a little belly by the end. In the midst of all the jolloping back and forth to the tree a young Estonian woman danced like the queen of swans in high-armed elegance, power and precision. Here again the body holds and expresses itself without the clutter of words and counts. I may not look like her but in dance I experience the same sense of perfection that only my body knows. So often the servant to my daily mundane actions, if let rain it can fill me with the sense of perfect grace that I know no other way of experiencing. At the final impromptu concert I sang a song. I was feeling quite confused but had to step into it. Out in the open, night falling to a grassy bank full of people I could hardly see. My choice of thought was to fill the night with my voice. Not be loud, not project to the people or act as might a performer just fill the night air. I think it sounded OK but more importantly I achieved what I wanted; I brought it into being. Like the young woman dancer, I hope, I was with practice able to bring it bodily into being. Later that evening a man, Stephan who runs a recording studio in Berlin, asked me enthusiastically to come to Berlin to record something, anything. So here’s a question. What did he hear to be that enthusiastic? Me, the night, my body or something higher that I was calling from? And what was he calling me to do from that something higher? As a cat might say when you command it to heel, “Interesting words.”