Four's Enough

We have four cats due to Mothermouse’s compulsion; Allen, Harry, Betty and Ruby. The first two play fight like young lads should, the third is a partially demented great aunt and Ruby is a tart with a heart and 7Kgm of sitting power. Allen and Betty are from good homes where Harry and Ruby were rescues. Harry will eat everything and anybodies and get through all sorts of packaging. You’ll never know if you like Lemon Drizzle Cake till you try it, so our microwave is constantly full of items needing protective custody, butter, sausage rolls, Lemon Drizzle Cake, steak and gooseberry crumble. Anyway four is the max we can cope with. So friends of friends are not welcome alright. First it was Big Jinge, an honourable gentleman of the road who Allen had struck up an acquaintance with in the back garden. ‘Nice place you’ve got here.’ ‘Oh thanks, yes they’re lovely.’ ‘Any chance of some grub if I hang around?’ So Mothermouse put a bowl out for him. After that his hind quarters could be seen exiting the cat flap when going for a midnight bowl of Muesli. Domino, our ex cat who’d gone to live next door because he never got on with his brother, Dave, who sadly died, also comes round whenever next door doesn’t feed him because they’re young and prone to gallivanting about the country. Another mouth to feed. Then a week or so ago another black and white cat, BW, started hanging around angling for a comfortable squat. One night, Big Jinge and BW, were queueing at the cat flap to beat a hasty retreat. Since then BW has been playing the, ‘Hello Mister, lovely cat I am, knows mi place, no trouble just, you know, down on my luck. Can happen to anybody’ card. Last night he was curled up on a red cushion in the dining room. If cats had a forelock he was touching it. The one thing worth noting is they all get on so well, no this is our gaff bugger off, or this is my bowl of Gourmet, or you’re Ginger, I hate Gingers, or we have a comfortable suburban house and you’re homeless. OK so I’m the one with hang-ups but please don’t invite any more in, we can’t afford the vet bills. And before you ask, yes we do have an electronic cat flap, but Ruby won’t use it because it clicks when she puts her head in it.