ET and Baldness.

As you know ET was hairless, at least the bits of him caught on film. Likewise NASA’s secret internet extraterrestrials. There are even ancient myths that the extraordinary evolution of the human race is in some way a result of extraterrestrial contact. Being staunchly working class I lean towards the baldness explanation. Imagine you are an ape, a monkey or Orangeman covered in hair happily picking nits from your other family members and popping them in your mouth for extra nutrition. You’re warm and good-looking according to the social norms of all the other hairy apes. And then one fateful day there’s an outbreak of alopecia. Bam! overnight you’re all hairless, not only cold you feel ashamed in glossy coated company. You develop a massive inferiority complex. In desperation you slink away and seek a fire to keep warm then figure out how to keep it going and eventually make it. This necessity becomes the mother of an inventive mind. Pretty soon you’re making tools and roller skates and stuff and finding a new use for the skins of all the animals you’ve eaten. After the initial shock this isn’t turning out too bad but you’re still holding a grudge against all those little shites who made fun of you. You progress. You begin to look down on all the animals that haven’t had that necessity thrust upon them and haven’t upgraded to your new outlook on life. You domesticate them, cage them but somewhere deep inside you wish you weren’t an outcast, you wish you could still be in your natural place. You evolve to solve every conceivable puzzle, find the answers to everything, but at every turn that inferiority complex bugs you. It’s summed up in the Eagles lyric, “Who will form the grand design, of what is yours and what is mine?”  I’m looking forward to the day we lose it. Oh and I may be wrong about the roller skates.