Green Lite.

Lefties, lesbians, layabouts and lay lines loonies: You’ve got to love Sheffield. After a pint, three in Mothermouse’s case, we move on to a Free Radicals gig for the Green Party. The Free Radicals are a decent ten piece soul/funk band fronted by three women singers, one in a chair with crutches, all in dresses even I wouldn’t wear; a Commitments tribute band nearing pension age. But then age is irrelevant in Sheff, it’s more about activity circles. In this case the saxophonist from the Socialist Choir, another from jam sessions, more from 5Rhythms Dance, and another from a drama workshop. As we queued for a vegetable curry this latter lady introduced herself as the new Green Party candidate. We’d decided eating judicious as Mothermouse, being somewhat ahead in general merriment, had insisted on clapping along to the warm up folk singer. Then the dancing. There are two thing people often forget about dancing, one it’s a bodily function and two, it’s meant to be enjoyable. We set about proving the point to a raunchy Latin number while Mrs Green Party opted for a far less impressive barely visible mince. I’m sorry to say in our eyes her political potential took a dive, and when she took her green top off to reveal a blind person’s idea of a lovely dress it fell even further. She was beginning to not even warrant a protest vote. Now I know it may seem facile to judge a person’s political capabilities on dance and dress, even the Conservatives aren’t known for it, but it has a certain cachet with me. It shows a flair for life. I mean who remembers Boris Yelsin for his political prowess? When I Googled his name I got, “Boris Yelsin dance.” He was a lush well up for emulating a piston engine on the dance floor. In ‘Love Actually’ who didn’t experience deep joy at the mere thought of a PM who could do sexy moves? Who doesn’t die a little inside seeing Theresa May in a suit? I mean Putin might be able to wrestle a bear bare chested in a YMCA bar but I bet he can’t do a decent paco doble. No, three things Mrs Green, learn to dance, invest in a better bra and get Mothermouse to take you shopping.