When TM met DC.

Ah Teresa come in/ David/ Like a drink, whiskey, gin/ Have you got Feverfew/ Oh tonic, yes… there you go. So how are things/ Well/ Look I’m so sorry for all this mess, I thought we had it sewn up, a done deal but, well yes OK maybe I should have stayed on and dealt with it, but I was just too Remain/ And so was I/ Yes, yes of course but, well/ You thought Boris or one of them would, but the party didn’t want them did they/ No/ Didn’t you realise that? You just disappeared and left some Remainer to pick up the pieces: Me/ Yes I know I’m deeply sorry/ You were an utter fool David. A referendum was a terrible idea../ But they wouldn’t let it go. JRM was in my ear with that horrid voice of his, Gove, all of them/ But you were PM David/ I know, I know/ So have you got any bright ideas now?/ Strange you should say that/ Really/ No that’s why I asked to meet you today. You see, well back in 2016 when I was PM I called the referendum, it all went pear shaped and I resigned remember. Yes well of course you do. Well it wasn’t all bad. I disappeared and I’ve loved it. I mean no one even wants to interview me these days. It’s like I’ve got my life back/ Are you saying I should resign/ No, I’m saying do something unforgettable first and then resign. Your life must have been hell these last two years, you’re still in a hellish position, probably a no-win position, but you’re still PM. I’m saying you cancel Article 50 and then resign/ silence/ You can say only 37% of voters voted Leave, I’ve tried to get a better deal than the one we have now and it’s impossible. Every knowledgeable person I talk to proves that fact. I’m not going to let this country down due to a poorly judged advisory referendum when I know it will hit the poorest hardest. I’ve decided to bla bla bla/ Bla bla bla what/ Look if you don’t do anything lets say courageous there’ll be a vote in Parliament maybe your deal maybe another referendum. Your deal maybe the best under the circumstances but worse than what we have already. A second referendum will just prolong the pain and the whole country’s depressed enough already. People only want it because they believe Remain will win, and basically Corbyn and our lot are too cowardly to act before that. Revoke Article 50 as our strong PM and it all goes away. The majority of the party and the country will be with you and the feeling of relief will be palpable, the end of a bad dream. Then you say no one could have worked harder than me in these last two years to satisfy the will of the people but it’s proved impossible. The cost to our country would have been too high. I’m therefore resigning as your PM. You get your life back, clean break like me. I created this mess and you’ve cleared it up. You could go take some dancing lessons/ Oh God don’t remind me/ Sure there’ll be criticism but when the pound gains value, people start spending again and moral comes back. No, you’ll be remembered as diligent, honourable and most of all courageous, in fact the only one of us that was / Well/ And the country’s negotiating position within the EU will be immensely stronger. We went to the brink and could go there again/ I’m not sure what to say David. I can’t argue with what you’re saying. Maybe you’ve got something right for once. I’ll go away and think about it. Where did you go away on holiday?