Year 9 Report.

With due deference to a teacher of startling personality I offer, verbatim, Bethmouse’s Year 9 Report of several years ago.

Dear Mrs Mothermouse,

The acknowledgement of a pupil’s achievement can be measured in both academic attainment and investment of unstinting effort; the fact that Bethmouse has been awarded the ultimate accolade of meriting their teachers’ approval in that they have been awarded mostly all 1’s in the recent Year 9 reviews.

The term ‘all rounder’ has developed into a hackneyed phrase that for most has lost its lustre, but if used fittingly it best summarises your child’s achievement in that they have impressed their subject teachers so much that they have bestowed this high accolade in recognition of their industry and attitude within the classroom. That is quite an achievement.

This recognition is in no small measure attributable to the obvious care, and nurturing that you provide outside the ‘school portals’ and it is with genuine consideration that I thank you for all that attention paid to Bethmouse’s education and welfare.

I look forward with anticipation and confidence to the remainder of their education, secure in the knowledge that with all parties working together the future is nothing but bright.

Thank you,

Yours sincerely, 

 Mr McKeownmouse

Acting Head of Year 9.

Dream Your Enemy.

I’ve just woken up from a quite horrible dream. I was being taunted by my American wife and her friends. Please note neither my wife, who’s not American, or Americans are in my experience nasty taunty people, but it was such a wonderful example of evil I feel moved to write it down. Simply put it was the finest judo in the realms of emotion. This fictional coterie was bound together in pure intellect; they had no emotions, just their ersatz equivalents of mild disgust, consummate sarcasm, of self indulgent pity with the rank valour of dishonest virtue. At every turn my own emotion was used against me like a judo throw. The more I became emotional, the more I called for love, the more they deftly turned it to their advantage. It was a currency they knew only as a wealthy man might know sprouts, of no value except for eating un-joyously. Compassion, yearning, exasperation, desperation and anger were all eaten and turned to dung whilst I travelled inexorably along that curve towards obliteration. I’m writing this because this frightening experience seems to identify the nature and mechanism of evil, not as a dangerous emotion but as utterly lacking in love, that those lacking this facility will always have the capacity to absorb our common emotional world and turn it into dry boned lifelessness. Maybe in some deep forgotten recess they want our currency but without the facility to turn water into wine they will swallow the sea and stay sober. There is nothing to do but ignore, to cut one’s own need to connect and walk away. This seems a strange little Christmas tale but maybe it was reminding me of the importance of defeating the enemies of Jesus as well as embracing his message of love. 

And You Are?

This is a heartfelt plea to all fellow sufferers to come together and lobby the government to recognise our condition. Bad spellers have achieved it, thick people, people who find other people utterly tedious, and standard bearers for bad language. SNRM is just as socially devastating as having a boss eyed condition where you’re always talking to the person next to the person you’re looking at, like sharing a hilariously funny smutty joke with a mate then realising you’ve been looking at his wife the whole time. No, suffering from SNRM, ‘Slow Name Recall Memory’, is no joke. For example it takes me upwards of 4 seconds to remember a name, so on the numerous social occasions requiring a crisp, “Hello Philip” I only manage to stumble through, “Hello..er…..slight cough… well er…scratch... how are you, er?” While Philip waits patiently I’m thinking, ‘I know him, I know him I, er, he does electrics, yes, married to Louise, no that’s Steve, his daughter’s called er’ and so on. And even that’s not right because Louise isn’t Steve’s wife or Philip’s, in fact I don’t think she’s married, and the woman I was actually thinking of was Emily who’s married to Roger who have a son called Sam who I mistakenly asked Philip’s wife about earlier thinking he was their son. And I still can’t remember her name! In fact if I had touretts all I’d manage would be, “You…..er…….(jerk)……. er……….. ………………….wanker!” by which time it would all be too late. If it’s Alzheimer’s all I can say is I was born with it. Honestly I would have envied my old pension salesman who would open with, “and how’s your wife Sandra and the boys, Kevin, Russell and Smidge?” if it wasn’t for the fact he was a money grabbing, heartless prat.

Another Cameron Opportunity.

OK what is apparent under capitalism is that capital migrates to those with capital; the rich get richer. Also that as this capital is withdrawn from circulation into private hands governments have to run deficits to maintain the rest of society at a reasonable standard. And finally that this state of affairs has become unsustainable. There seems to have been a hidden assumption in free market capitalism that the unproductive and unemployed will simply disappear, that as one’s income becomes zero one also becomes zero and disappears from the earth as well as the balance sheet. The reality is somewhat different. So as the end of western capitalism looms, which might level us all, there needs to be a new approach. Just as a starving snake might begin to consider chewing on its own tail might there be a way to circularise capitalism? Connecting the top with the bottom? We are used to taxation as wealth redistribution but might there be a different form to solve this situation. Not deductible tax but an enforced percentage to be used to provide capital availability. Individuals and corporations would pay tax normally together with a percentage compulsorily paid into a government holding fund that would pay interest, much like the compulsory purchase of government gilts. This way the interest of the top is connected to the rest of society in that if the society as a whole gets into difficulty the interest paid by the fund would decrease. Its main purpose would be to provide the government with a cheap and controllable source of funds. For example the income of high earners would be taxed normally but say 70% of any amount above say £300k would be compulsorily invested in ‘government liquidity bonds’ paying say 4%. It would remain the property of the earner and provide a return but the return of capital would be regulated and inheritance taxed normally. Where currently market based euro government bonds are having to pay an unsustainable 7% because of their indebtedness having a governed wealth based borrowing facility at 4% would maintain sustainability. This may be total b*****x but it’s obvious that capital needs to be governed in order to benefit the whole of society because the poor have a habit of staying alive long after they cease to appear on a balance sheet. Nearer to home Dave nearly got stuck in the cat flap. 

Jerusalem most Holey.

Jerusalem is the holey city. Holey because it’s been built, knocked down, rebuilt, besieged, burnt down, rebuilt and shot at by all three branches of Abraham, the Romans, Greeks, in fact anyone with a decent army west of the Himalayas. King David ruled there, Jesus died there and Mohamed had nothing to do with it, but his followers built a big gold dome there anyway just to piss the other two off. So now Jerusalem is the holy city of Jews, Christians and Islamistas, a veritable department store for monotheist except where home furnishing is at odds with the cosmetics counter who in turn loathe men’s underwear. It’s somewhat ironic that the home of three world religions professing peace and love needs so much policing compared with say Whitby, the home of Dracula. This somehow meshes with an article in Therapy Today bemoaning the fact that every attempt at proving the efficacy of therapy gives illogical or at least inconclusive results. OK we each view the world through our own uniquely aberrant sunglasses. Behind them is an eye that receives the distorted image believing it to be the world. It considers its response and projects it back through the same aberration. The world then sees this distortion believing it to be the eye. This leads to confusion. When the glasses hold the distortion of a belief that ‘my way is better’ the eye is presented with the world as inferior. The eye knowing this not to be the case projects peace and love which is then distorted back into ‘you are inferior.’ What follows is a sort of belligerent sit-com. Spirit is distorted by beliefs about spirit such that the most spiritual act in the most un-spiritual ways, and people in therapy respond in some ways from spirit and some ways beliefs. So it’s to be expected the most holy city is also the most holey and therapy will forever provide inconclusive results.

Misery is Subjective.

Ludwig Wittgenstein’s father, Karl, owned the Austrian steel industry and was second only to the Rothschild’s in terms of wod. But rather like Rupert Murdock he doesn’t seem to have been the best of influences on his children. Where James wouldn’t even recognise the truth if God e-mailed him direct, no less than three of Ludwig’s brothers committed suicide. One even emulated Robert Maxwell by falling off a boat in Chesapeake Bay in suspicious circumstance. But Ludwig, considered by some to be a genius, moved to Glossop and became a philosopher. Such utterances as, “If someone believes that he has flown from America to England in the last few days, then, I believe, he cannot be making a mistake” must come from someone so deep he has to be gifted. Personally I think he thought too much. I once commented in desperation to an immensely thick young woman on a date, “All the pigs in the field aren’t green” and garnered a similar effect. In retrospect I should have said it to Bertrand Russell and become a Fellow of Trinity College. As it is, apart from these blog breaks, I’ve been house cleaning and wiping up smelly cat spray all day. In Ludwig’s final hours he said to a friend, “Tell them I had a wonderful life.” Now if I’d added more detail to his biography you would have no doubt gathered by now that wasn’t strictly the case. But then again perhaps, “Not all the miserable buggers I come across are actually miserable.”

The Power of Higgs?

So if the Higgs Boson does exist as a particle and imparts mass into all forms of matter there’s likely to be a Higgs field that might explain Zero Point energy. It might work like this. We are used to the flow of electrons in conducting materials producing magnetic effects and heat. We are surrounded by heaters, lights, motors etc that use this property of electrons, which are also present in all materials. Now it’s been observed that a highly charged horizontal pate capacitor is slightly lighter or heavier depending on which way up it is. Might this be due to boson distribution alongside the electron distribution? Arising out of Tesla’s work various people have reported a sort of inductance effect where switching a high voltage in a straight length of wire will result in a subsequent surge of current that produces more energy out than the energy used to create it, i.e. an over unity device. Over unity devices are deemed impossible by the basic laws of thermo dynamics, but might this experiment and its results be the result of a temporary distortion in the Higgs field? Might the Higgs field in a way be ‘blown outward’ by the switch and then recover inward again causing the current? This wouldn’t be energy for nothing but a gathering of energy from this previously unknown source? It has been reported that electrical energy produced by this effect reacts counter intuitively when used. Rather than motors etc heating up by resistance losses they are chilled, they freeze up rather than over heat. It’s been suggested an appliance the size of a fridge/freezer could power a home forever for free; similarly cars, trains etc. Using a different technology www.placklightpower.com has just begun licensing power plants using hydrinos rather than fossil fuels or nuclear to currently produce over 7 Megga watts. There’s also various technologies utilising the very springy nature of the valency bonds between hydrogen and oxygen in water, H2O. By piezo vibrating water in a test tube an experimenter managed to blow a test tube diameter hole clean through his roof. Reportedly. Though the line between information and misinformation on the internet has similarly been blown through the roof I still imagine we’re close to clean, sustainable energy production.