Mhairi Black

Mhairi Black the youngest, most eloquent and intelligent MP we, well the Scottish, have, gave a talk on the workings of the house. It is ludicrous to the point of demensure. Imagine talking to an ageing once important man, Trump for example. He carries in his skull a mountain of arrogance, the ignorance not to question it and the social aplomb to counter any argument, aplomb based merely on the fact he made the rules before you were born. Imagine now that you are meeting this once important man in an asylum, he the King of Chipping Sodbury and Holy Roman emperor of the Caching Dynasty. He patiently explains he is experienced in matters concerning this establishment and that you must follow a squirrel into the division lobby for lunch. You are now as furious, frustrated and flummoxed as Mhairi Black. You are vital, have a working brain and supposed you were here to work for the better governance of Britain, but how when mired in so many nonsensical delusions can you bring about any progress whatsoever? Probably by giving talks to people at large about this none functioning cuckoo’s nest. “My dear girl we were all like you at your age. A chap I knew at Eaton supported Keir Hardie! But we all have to learn the rules, Black Nob hitting the woolsack three times with a tennis racket, that sort of thing, or we’d lose our ancient power over poor people as given to us by Charles II after we posthumously executed Oliver Cromwell.” “Posthumously executed?” “Well he’d already died so we dug him up and hanged him.” “Da ya ney know you’re all grossly overmedicated fools in here so you are.” “If it was good enough for King Charles it’s good enough for us young lady. You’d do well to remember that.” “And you’d dey well ti remember, ya wee southern shite, that I’m a lesbian an proud Scot so I am, an I’ll throw your meds down the loo so I will.” “Nannyeeeeee!”

A Plan for Local Democracy.

I proposed this several years ago but now I think it’s a necessity. Our government, or at least the way we choose members of parliament, is not fit for purpose. The Tories unreconcilable division over Brexit leaves the whole country rudderless. We need a viable alternative to our entrenched party system. We need to reconnect democracy to its roots, provide a way for grass roots voters to choose the best of the best among ourselves. We need human and intellectual quality not divisive vested interests. With that in mind this is what I propose. A constituency is roughly 50,000 voters living within a localised area. That area is divided into say 3,000 postcodes each covering less than 20 households all within a 50-yard radius. It would be relatively easy for an independent action group in a constituency to use the electoral roll combined with postcodes to deliver an information pack to one person in each postcode. This pack would outline the philosophy and procedure for choosing a ‘local democratic’ candidate. This person either actions the pack or passes it along the addresses until another person chooses to. This person delivers printed information sheets to his/her 19 neighbours with a date for a meeting at their house. This in itself would provide a chance for improved neighbourliness and involvement, albeit minimal, in the political process. The sole purpose of the meeting is to get to know each other in order to vote for one person to represent the group in terms of their personal qualities of intellect, fairness, humanity etc. At this stage the person is simply the group’s best representative. This procedure is repeated for clusters of 10 postcodes. In this way 50,000 becomes say 3,000, which becomes 300. The procedure is repeated but with the people going forward willing to consider the roll of MP. The final meeting of 30 will be extended so that the representatives can form an informed view of each other in particular the say 5 who choose to be potential candidates. The person chosen will be recognised as the best peoples’ choice, which gives him/her a solid platform of credibility. At the same time the various local action groups will join forces to promote these candidates at a national level via social and other media. There not will of course be a hundred percent participation but it will work at any level. The costs involved given all involved are volunteers would be minimal and easily covered by a local collection. The result is a viable political candidate holding the constituency’s respect as a capable person with no wider vested commercial or party interests. It would stimulate neighbourliness and connect people to the political process by creating a tree of connections in which each constituent is only five connections away from the candidate. It could in time eradicate professional politicians that currently hold power irrespective of general elections.

My Brexit Strategy.

“David we must get out of the EU, in 2019 they’re introducing financial rules that will decimate our off-shore funds. I have an idea. Call a referendum immediately, you’ve told the electorate you would.” “But I might lose it.” “That’s the point, we will lose it. I’ve already talked to Cambridge Analytica. They’ve got a Facebook campaign planned and have lots of call centre capacity. Forget Leave we’re going to call it Brexit it’s more sexy. We’ll set up official campaigns with great slogans. We can promise anything because we’re not governed by normal election rules.” “But where does that leave me I’m supposed to be for Remain?” “You just pretend to fight for Remain and if it goes our way you just resign, you’ve had your turn at PM, take a long holiday, disappear for a bit. Also it must be a straight in out race no two thirds majority, anything like that. No need to make it binding because when we win we can just bang on about following the will of the people. Advisory sounds better than binding anyway. It gives people a chance to put a finger up at us. That’s the beauty of it. By voting against us they’ll be doing what we want. I love it.” “So who’ll take over as PM?” “It doesn’t matter. I mean not one of us.” “Really!” “No, so long as we hold the power we can drive it through. No it’s better the PM is a Remainer.” “You think it’ll work?” “Sure.” “But what about the country?” “Look all our money is outside the UK, sure the economy will tank but it won’t affect us. Or would you rather be discredited, possibly jailed and get a humongous tax bill? Think of the children old boy.”