Spoon Safety.

The gov says we need to innovate, think outside the box, to beat the recession, which, having taught this generation to tick inside the box isn’t likely to happen any time soon. But here is a simple route to fame and fortune.

There are hundreds of dangerous items and situations we all encounter daily. All sorts of injuries and deaths can be caused by incorrect use of, for example, spoons. It is no laughing matter if someone dear to you finds themselves in A&E with a spoon in their eye, especially a particularly cherished toddler. This must never be allowed to happen again, so the first step in the process is to take on the vital task of creating social awareness if this life threatening implement. In your spare time create a web site named SITE.com dedicated to publicising the epidemic of ‘Spoon In The Eye’ injuries and its media suppression by the heartless cutlery-manufacturing lobby. Once the risks are fully appreciated by the public one can begin the second stage. One begins to lobby the government for spoon laws and compulsory spoon education. This should be pretty straightforward as government could never be seen to disregard the safety of our children. One has now made oneself the central expert in the field of spoon safety and the gov’s obvious choice to deliver both the education and the necessary statutory examinations. One is now set to reap the rewards. One can charge for providing the special courses, sitting the exam, marking it and receiving the qualification. One can receive fees from government for administration, database maintenance etc, annual fees for maintaining each individual’s qualification and from cutlery manufacturers for advice regarding future spoon safety. After a few years one can sell your successful NGO company to G4S for a large sum and retire, happy in the knowledge one has done a great social service. With the huge number of implements and situations we all need to be made fearful of we begin to see the endless potential in this approach to beating the recession. Lets all make fear the new growth industry.